Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
