the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
