i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
