Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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