i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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