I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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