yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
