why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
