ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
