sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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