Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
