I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
