there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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