Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
