You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
