Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
