I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
