I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
