I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
