Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
