then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
