Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".