You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.