A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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