I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
