The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.