dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
