nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
