White coat. Heels.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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