I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
