I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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