On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
