I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
