Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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