you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
