put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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