she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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