My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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