Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
