This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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