Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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