you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
