god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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