are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
