Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
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WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize