pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think my vagina is haunted
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
