I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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