i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
