matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
