i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
