i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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