Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
