he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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