the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize