omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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