His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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