Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
