is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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