he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
