god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
farters have to be the big spoon...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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