Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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