I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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