So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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