Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Its about making memories worth repressing
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
