So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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