This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
