You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
