Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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