yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
