She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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