i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
