i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
