So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
