i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So many bounce houses so little time
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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