I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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